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教育中最可怕的错位:老师培养人格, 家长辅导功课

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信息来源:未知    /    发布时间:2018-07-23 14:44     /    浏览人数:

365bet彩票 希望有朝一日,老师可以理智气壮地对那些问题学生说一句:“你不符合学生标准,请家长带回去教育好了再上学。”
 
也希望有朝一日,家长可以坦然地对解不出问题的孩子说一句:“这道题你明天去问老师,我去看看饭熟了没有。”
 
老师和家长分别演好自己的角色,将是教育最舒服的状态。
 
1、家长怎么就该辅导作业?
 
朋友常说:“现在小学家长负担有多重!像我家,刚上一年级,每天晚上写作业老师要求家长给录像,发视频到家长群里。作业要检查无误交上去,否则就在群里点名批评。我一个晚上什么事都干不了,只能跟孩子的作业玩命。”
 
小学陪读现在倒是听过不少,有时候不是家长刻意为之,而是老师要求为之。
 
有的孩子上小学第一天就被要求买了打印机,每天家长要根据孩子在学校的进度,给孩子从网上找题找卷子,孩子写好后,家长要判对错,要打分,第二天统一交到学校。老师那里还会有记录,名为“家庭作业成绩”。
 
许多家长被这种家庭作业折磨得不行,但是技能却也突飞猛进,起初只会用Word打字,现在居然能用Word画图了。
 
对于这种现象,终于能明白,为什么现在有学童的家庭里“不写作业母慈子孝,一写作业鸡飞狗跳。”
 
因为辅导作业,根本就不是家长该干的活!
 
2、医不治己
曾经和一位音乐学院的系主任聊天,她本人是钢琴系毕业的,家中有一个6岁女童。
 
这个组合会让许多人有个小市民的想法:这妈妈自己在家教孩子钢琴,得省多少钱啊!
但是没想到主任却连连否认。
 
她自己虽然是个钢琴老师,但是她的女儿从来都是送到别的老师那里学钢琴,她在家里最多听孩子弹弹曲子,却很少指导。
 
这就奇怪了,自己家里有这么好的资源,何必外求呢?
她说:“自己的孩子,自己教不了!我们这里的黄老师,是钢琴系的教授,他自己的儿子也是送到别的老师那里学琴的。这就是所谓的医不治己!”
 
3、孩子只需要家长的肯定
其实家长很难成为孩子的老师。
 
许多家长在教孩子读书的时候都濒临过鸡飞狗跳的状态。
 
这样反而也会让孩子非常反感家长的教学。
相反如果放任孩子自己去学习,在他做的优秀的时候,发自内心,由衷的赞赏他,甚至激动的给他一个拥抱。
 
这才是孩子最需要的,其实孩子仅仅是需要家长的肯定而已。
4、家长教学,是一种错位
 
这也是家长为什么很难辅导孩子功课的原因,因为帮助孩子学习,纠正孩子的错误,表面上是帮助孩子进步,实质上呢?意味着否定,意味着不认可。
 
很多孩子都烦父母唠叨,其实他们不是烦父母唠叨,而是烦父母的说教,说教意味着什么?意味着:我不认可你的状态,我希望你能改变。孩子能敏感的体会到父母“好意”里潜藏的批判和否定。
每个孩子的潜意识里,都需要的父母的肯定和赞美,而不是批评和否定。
 
父母偶尔的否定有助于规范孩子的行为,但是经常性的否定却会挫伤一个孩子的自信。
 
孩子的求学之路是一条很长的路,如果这条路上,父母永远处在一个指导和评判的位置,无异于把亲子关系推到了刀尖上。
 
所以让家长辅导孩子功课,虽是一种趋势,但也是一种错位,不值得提倡。
5、老师培养人格?
 
教育中还有一种畸形的错位,叫老师培养人格。
 
所谓“没有教不会的学生,只有不会教的老师。”其实就是对老师的一种道德绑架。
在校学生,尤其小学和初中的学生,除个别情况,智力水平不会相差很大,但是孩子们的成绩却有天壤之别。
 
孩子成绩差异这么大,从表面上看是学习习惯的问题,是老师教法的问题,往更深层看就是家教中人格培养的缺失。
 
有人说,人格的培养要在学校中完成,老师的责任之一是要立德树人,要求老师有大爱,要因材施教,要对学困生有更多的理解和帮助。
 
这不能说完全没有道理,但在现实中更多是一种幻想。
举个例子:
 
老师在学校教育孩子要与人为善,和谐相处,举止得体,谈吐文明。但是孩子一回家,可能会被父亲非打即骂,甚至亲眼见到母亲被家暴。那么这个孩子心里,如何长出“文明”的种子?
 
老师在学校教育孩子诚实守信,承担责任。但是孩子却看到自己的母亲和别人发生借贷纠纷,父亲背着母亲和小三约会。那么这个孩子如何理解“诚信”与“责任”的意义?
 
老师在学校里要求学生上进,努力,但是回到家里,他可能会被一种懒散、消极的气场淹没,那么他奋斗的激情来源于哪里?
 
老师能改变一个人的命运,能塑造一个人的人格,不是说不能做到,只是这几率太小太小,因为孩子无法逃脱原生家庭给他带来的骨子里的影响,他的人性不改,生活的表象就很难发生质的飞跃。
 
何况,一个老师要同时面对数十名学生,在个别学生身上耗费太多心力,是不是对其他孩子不公呢?
 
6、分公明确,才能走上正规
 
在教育问题上,老师和家长是同盟军,但更应该有明确的分工。
 
家长要在家庭教育中,潜移默化地培养孩子良好的品性,培养孩子独立的人格,孩子的根扎稳了,遇到阳光,自然就能向上生长。
 
老师要在学校教育中,全力传授科学知识,培养孩子科学的思维,在孩子扎稳根的基础上,给足他雨露和阳光,给予他向上生长的外在条件。
家长帮孩子扎根,老师提供雨露阳光。这两个角色不能替换,更无法取代。
 
教育本来是一件利于孩子成长的好事,但是现在的教育,让家长和老师都很无奈,很头疼。
 
一方面,老师怪家长不配合教育,面对一些扰乱教学节奏的问题学生,轻不得重不得,不知如何处理。
 
另一方面,家长怪老师推卸责任,明明是自己的教学工作,非要推诿到家长这里,让不专业的他们无从下手。
 
其实说到底,就是每个人都站错了位。
 
各归各位是一种自然规律。顺应规律,我们都会各得其所。反之,当我们每个人都感觉不舒服的时候,一定是没有顺应规律。
 
可惜,社会规律和自然规律有时候是不匹配的,就像价格围绕价值波动一样,社会规律也会围绕自然规律上下波动。
 
波动未必是坏事,因为它会推动人类的进步和发展,只要我们能根据实际情况,适当把自己调整到舒服的位置,就会慢慢回归到自然规律上来。
 
上次偶然听到一个家长说:一切影响我和孩子亲子关系的事,都让它靠边站!
 
很霸气,也很智慧,为人父母本来就不需要面面俱到,只要守住那个根,还怕小树苗不能参天吗?
 
希望有朝一日,老师可以理智气壮地对那些问题学生说一句:“你不符合学生标准,请家长带回去教育好了再上学。”
 
也希望有朝一日,家长可以坦然地对解不出问题的孩子说一句:“这道题你明天去问老师,我去看看饭熟了没有。”
 
老师和家长分别演好自己的角色,将是教育最舒服的状态。



It is hoped that one day, the teacher can say, "you do not conform to the standard of students, and please take them back to education and then go to school."
It is also hoped that one day, parents can frankly say to the children who can not solve the problem: "you will ask the teacher tomorrow, I will go and see if the meal is ripe."
Teachers and parents play their roles separately, which will be the most comfortable state of education.
1, how do parents have to do the homework?
Friends often say, "how heavy is the burden of parents in primary schools? Like my family, I was in my freshman year and wrote homework every evening. The teacher asked the parents to send videos to the parents' group. Homework should be checked and handed in without error, otherwise it will be criticized in the group. I can't do anything overnight, I can only play with my children's homework.
Primary school accompanying reading is now heard a lot, sometimes not parents deliberately, but the teacher asked for it.
Some children are asked to buy a printer on the first day of primary school. Every day parents want to look for books on the school, looking for books on the Internet. After the children write them, parents should judge the wrong, score the score, second days to the school. The teacher will also have a record called "homework results".
Many parents have been tortured by this kind of homework, but their skills are advancing by leaps and bounds. At first they only used Word to type, and now they can draw pictures with Word.
For this phenomenon, we can finally understand why there are children in schools who do not write homework.
Because coaching is not the life that parents should do.
2. Do not cure yourself
I once spoke to the dean of a music college, who graduated from the Piano Department, and has a 6 year old girl.
This combination will make many people have the idea of a small citizen: how much money does the mother save herself in teaching her children piano?
But I didn't expect the director to deny it.
She was a piano teacher herself, but her daughter had always been sent to other teachers to learn the piano. She was at home most listening to children playing music, but rarely instructed.
This is strange. Why do you have to ask for such a good resource at home?
She said, "my own children, I can't teach them!" Our teacher Huang is a professor in the piano department. His own son also sent lessons to other teachers. This is the so-called "medical treatment"! "
3. Children only need parents' affirmation
In fact, parents are very difficult to be children's teachers.
Many parents are on the verge of flying when they teach their children to read.
In this way, it will also make the children very sick of their parents' teaching.
On the contrary, if the child is allowed to learn by himself, he will sincerely admire him when he is doing well, and even give him a hug.
This is what children need most. In fact, children only need the affirmation of their parents.
4. Parents' teaching is a misplacement
This is also why parents are very difficult to guide their children's lessons, because to help children learn, correct their children's mistakes, on the surface is to help children progress, in essence, what about? Meaning denial means no approval.
Many children are fed up with their parents' nagging. Actually, they do not bother their parents to nagging, but bother their parents' sermon. What does moralistic mean? It means: I don't recognize your state. I hope you can change it. Children can be sensitive to the criticism and negation hidden in their parents' kindness.
Each child's subconscious needs parents' affirmation and praise, not criticism and negation.
Parents' occasional negation helps regulate children's behavior, but regular negation can hurt a child's self-confidence.
A child's way of learning is a long way. If it is on this road, parents are always in a position of guidance and judgment, which is to push the relationship between the parents and the children on the tip of the knife.
So it is a trend for parents to tutor their children's homework, but it is also a kind of dislocation, which is not worth promoting.




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